This Column Was Written by a Stoned Bot

[COLUMNIST’S NOTE: As a cannabis columnist, I receive endless press releases, emails, and marketing materials relating to new cannabis and hemp products, projects, events, conferences, and expos. I gathered 1,000 of these pieces, and forced a stoned bot to read them and then write the following press releases—because if there’s anything independent

DEA Says Term “Cannabis” Is Out, New Term is “Dinkie Dow”

Dictionary opened up to the word "dictionary"

Hey, you’re cool, right? You have a hip haircut, on-point non-prescription glasses, a wardrobe that’s trailblazing without being too Donner Party, and your apps are all beta. You and your squad are certainly “down” and “woke” about “what” is “up,” and that includes the nicknames you use for cannabis. I mean, there’s “weed,” “cheeba cheeba,” “pot,”

What’s The Story With 710, And What Does It Have To Do With Dabbing?

A man jumps and does "the Dab" high above a city

Today is July 10. It’s a special day for those of you who enjoy concentrates and extracts, although if you do enough dabs, any day can be a special day. Numerically speaking, today is 7/10. Virtually all dispensaries will have sales on numerous forms of dabs, so stock up, and give thanks

Weed Industry Professionals, Please Stop Doing These Things

When I’m not writing this weekly “weed comedy” column, I’m involved in numerous other aspects of the cannabis industry. It’s a great way to spend long hours making a shocking, depression-inducingly small amount of money, so I strongly encourage all the children reading this to stay in school. And to

The Creative Process With Cannabis: How I Write This Column

typewriter on desk with lamp and sunflower in a vase and a file of papers

"IT MUST BE GREAT to be a cannabis columnist!" people often say to me. Yes, it is great. Seventeen-year-old me is tremendously proud. He's also a little disappointed that I never actually became a world-class martial artist who jams with Keith Richards in my off hours, but one step at

Did Cannabis Candies Kill 12 at Coachella? D.A.R.E Got Played And Said So

DARE to resist Drugs and Violence

So, I know a guy who smoked a joint this one time, and it gave him an erection that lasted, like, 26 hours, and then his penis exploded, and then he died. It's true! I also knew this girl who ate a pot cookie, and it made her pregnant, and then she tried

Dabcathalon: This Was A Very Bad Idea

A statue of the five Olympic Rings sits above the ocean at sunset

Ah, the mighty Decathlon. The name comes from the Greek words for "10" and "feat," and Olympians from around the planet gather every four years to partake in the competition that many deem to be the greatest challenge for any elite athlete. But fuck that. We decided to undertake an athletic feat that